September 27, 2017

a pace that feels right...


Sometimes it seems like I'm not productive. That I move like molasses. Or that I need to do nothing but rest (because spoonie).

Then there are times like this week, when I'm working on creative projects and house tending, and the novel-writing is happening and I'm painting every.single.day and I'm getting things done - BUT - I have this feeling inside like I need to hurry, go faster, get things done more quickly.

Feeling like I'm in some sort of race.

Only I'm not. My time on earth can end any day, as is the case for anyone and everyone, and so if I'm in a race, it's a race against time in that way.

But otherwise, I'm not in a race with anyone or anything.

And usually, when I feel this way I know it's my anxiety at work.

Also... even though there are times when I truly am in a race against time, that's not the way I want to live my day-to-day life. It does amp up my anxiety too much. It does feel uncomfortable for me.

My natural pace is not (usually) a quick-and-fast pace.

And that's okay.

Except when the comparison-itis kicks in, which it sometimes does, especially if I look around too much online at what others are doing and posting and producing and being-successful-at.

So then I once again remind myself: going at my own pace, at the speed and time that suits me best, really is okay.

It is okay for me to go at my own pace. It is okay for me to go slow, to not rush. 



Last night I sat with the three wisdom cards I made, an exercise in an artist-and-monk class I'm taking.

When I made the cards, I asked the questions, I painted watercolor backgrounds, I chose and glued some collage elements... And then, when all were finished, I turned the cards over to see the questions - and see how each front spoke to the question on the back.

I finished the cards several days ago and I keep returning to them, sitting with the questions, sitting with the answers.

The living of those answers is guiding my days.

And the living of those answers reminds me that it's okay to go at my own pace.

Last night I painted, playing with watercolors on a journal page. And earlier in the day I wrote - because I'm finally (finally) focusing on one novel instead of the back-and-forth starts-and-stops I've had all year with so much indecision of which book to write next.

I had to choose, because I was getting no more books written otherwise.

But now that I've chosen, and now that I'm writing this story, I don't have to rush or hurry. I'm doing my best to ignore the go-faster feeling I'm starting to feel when I sit down to work on the novel.

I can go at my own pace. With writing. With painting. With the house-tending.

With everything.

Time here on earth is not limitless, but it's better for me to go at my personal pace than to try to rush.

It's okay to go at the pace that's best for us.

It's okay to just breathe and create and wash dishes and laugh with a friend - and not rush.



(I've been blogging along with Effy this month! (although I haven't been blogging nearly everyday - but that's okay!) Want to check it out? Just click here.)



3 comments:

  1. I feel like I'm hurrying all the time and I want to change that.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I feel like I'm hurrying all the time and I want to change that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I tend to feel like I'm going too slow, not doing enough. That I should be doing more, doing it faster. Get-er-dun as Larry the Cable Guy would say. Some days I don't have the energy to do more than get through the day. And I have to remind myself over and over that it's okay.
    The cards you created are beautiful!

    ReplyDelete