December 15, 2015

what gets in the way...

It's been days and days since I moved to this online space. It's still not totally ready-ready (as in, I haven't added some things or done some things I plan to do). And after moving almost half my posts here, I posted a couple of times... and then I stopped.

Things here came to a stand-still. No new pages. No new posts.

What stopped me? What got in my way?


For whatever reason, I felt sort of... intimidated. Intimidated to start posting new blog posts in (yet another) new space. Intimidated by wondering if folks think I'm flaky for changing online homes twice in less than a year. Intimidated by wondering if anyone will even read what I post in this new space.

I've gotten in my own way far too often in my life. I've made the decision and the commitment that I'm not going to do it here.

So - I'm doing this new post. And by the writing of it and the posting of it, I'm hoping to break the stuckness, the hesitancy, the almost-paralysis I've been feeling about posting here.

And I think what I'll start with is an update...

I've been keeping busy with some background things regarding this space and other things connected with how I'm planning to do things in 2016. I've been doing intuitive readings and facilitating the Holiday Inner Harmony program.

I'm taking a break from facebook. I've deactivated my personal account - and it's a temporary thing but I'm not sure how long "temporary" will be. (The Subtle Harmony page is still active, so stop on by!)

Instagram is where I'm hanging out a lot these days. My account is here (I'm @subtleharmonyginwhite on instagram) and it would be great to connect if you're there too.

I've been reading. (And I've come across some really good stuff.)

I've been making new things for the etsy shop.

I've been painting. Lots of painting. Playing with paint, just letting myself paint whatever comes out, is so incredibly nourishing to my soul.

I've been doing the usual out and about things (including more doctor visits and tests, as I continue to search for what's going on with my balance issues).

I still take my cane with me when I go out - I'm using the cane I got several years ago when I broke my foot and had a long healing process of physical therapy. It's colorful, so that's a perk for me when it comes to using a cane!

My grandmother had a fabulous wood cane (her "walking stick" as she called it) and I always thought it was so full of character. When she died, someone else in the family claimed it - sometimes I think it would be good to have a cane like that too, and I could swap out the colorful and the wood as I wanted.

To be honest, though, I would prefer to need no cane at all. But I'm grateful for being able to walk, even if it means using a cane when and if I need one. I am incredibly grateful - and daily reminded of my gratitude - for being able to walk and move.

When physical things happen, they can remind us of things we might sometimes tend to take for granted.

So I'm being grateful a whole lot these days.

And I'm looking for the lessons I'm meant to learn... from my current physical challenges, and from whatever life brings. I'm looking for the things I'm meant to release as well as the new things I'm called to do.

I'm moving along on the spiral.

Because that's what we do as we journey through a life.

December 3, 2015

it is okay...

As I've been going through blog posts, deciding which ones to move over here and which ones to archive for my own personal memories of my writings, I came across some posts that somehow missed the last blog / site transition.

The (a-little-revised) post below is one of those. It's from November 2011. I want to remember what I wrote back then - I want to remember it and I want it to sink in for me even deeper now - and I decided not to keep it tucked away only in my personal digital storage locker. So here it is...
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I never tried to draw a face until recently. But thanks to some things I'm doing at willowing, I recently did an art journal page that had a face for the first time.

The person I drew doesn't look like me (although sometimes I wish for purple hair!).

But she represents me.

On the other side of the page, beneath the words that are visible, beneath the layers of markers and paint and watercolor pencils and gesso, there's a whole page of sentences of stuff that goes through my head sometimes - the negative stuff, like... I'm not good enough.

And - I can't do this.

Those kinds of icky thoughts that make us not feel good about ourselves.

But then, at the end of the project, I'm left with the words that are visible...

it is OKAY to be ME

I've been thinking about this two-page spread and how it relates to all of my seven major chakras...

As a first chakra issue, the root chakra - It is safe for me to BE.

From a second chakra viewpoint, the sacral chakra - It is okay for me to be myself in relationship with others.

As a third chakra issue, the solar plexus chakra - I can step into my personal power, I can be self-actualized.

Looking at it from the fourth chakra, the heart chakra - I can love myself enough to accept myself.

As a fifth chakra issue, the throat chakra - I can speak and express my truth.

From the viewpoint of the sixth chakra, the third eye chakra - I can be open to my intuition and see the guidance to live my life and follow my own path.

And looking at it from the seventh chakra, the crown chakra - I am connected to God, one with all, and that connection makes me whole and okay.

All of this is big for me.

For so much of my life I was afraid of being myself - because I might be rejected, I might fail, I might not measure up, I might not be accepted. But the thing is... I am so beyond tired of living that way.

The past several years have been a time of learning to stop living that way - and gradually, very gradually, I have come to the place where (most days) I really know that the words in my art journaling project are true.

It is okay to be me.

It's more than okay, actually. It's necessary. It's needed. It is essential to my life to be who I am.

And if that means risking displeasure, if that means rejection, if that means not meeting certain expectations, if that means being unfriended on facebook or not being invited to a gathering... then so be it. I'm finally willing to take those risks, because I have realized - finally, fully, deep-down-realized - that some things are worth the risk.

And being okay with being me is worth the risk.

It is okay to be me.

It really is okay. It is okay for us all to be who we are. It is okay for you to be you. It is OKAY. Be yourself. Trust yourself. It might mean letting go of some things, letting go of some ideas or thoughts, letting go of some people.

And although letting go can be hard, it's not good to lose yourself in the process of trying to hold on.

Sometimes letting go is the path to peace, the path to inner harmony.

And it is okay. It is all okay.