October 25, 2014

the rushing, the overwhelm...


Sometimes lately - many weeks, maybe a couple of months, maybe a little more? - I've felt the rushing. The overwhelm. It's been a bit strange, because there have been many pockets (between times of overwhelm) when I've felt clarity and focused calm.

But yes, the rushing has been there .

The rushing of downloads of ideas and plans (which is good, and feels creative and in the flow, but I've tried too much to keep these sorted in my head, and I've tried too often to rush to pay attention to them all at once).

The rushing from one audio/video/content from one class or program to another, and back and forth, as I try to juggle the various things I have registered to do... having (once again) signed up for too many at once, overloading my schedule, my time, my energy.

The rushing to try to get everything right and settled ... the decluttering still left to do, the books still piled to read, the posts to write, the photos to take.

So much of all of this (not everything, but much of it) is good stuff. Things I want to do, or things I need to do for the feelings I want and the way I want my life to be.

But oh, the rushing.

And the overwhelm.

Trying to do too many things at once. Trying to hold too much in my head. Trying to juggle too many balls in the air.

In a facebook page post, Clarissa Pinkola Estes wrote:
Overwhelm means not that your ark [computer, project list, responsibilities] is too big, too long and out of control, but too many windows are open all at once and countervalent winds are blowing through fragmenting our attentiveness. ... I did not myself realize long ago that one cannot keep adding and adding all at once until it's either go groceryshopping while at laundromat while cooking dinner on car radiator while listening to econ class on headphones while running someone else's two businesses on phone, while carrying child on back while trying to meet endless demands of x-- or collapse. One thing at a time is what I've painfully learned on this often floodriver called my life. That coming to the crossing place, much much had to be left at the river banks on one side in order to cross to the new tributary side of New Life, meant life, following one's own calling-life.

I've had too many windows open all at once. (um... literally as well as figuratively - it can slow my computer to a crawl at times)

My attention has felt fragmented too often lately.

I've had to be reminded, over and over, that I need to leave things on one side of the river banks in order to cross.

The reminders keep coming: Simplify. Focus. Be mindful.

I'm about subtle harmony... it's how I want to feel, inside myself. It's how I want my life to be. (And there's a difference between balance and harmony.)

My superpower is gentle clarity... it's what I want to be plugged into, always, because being plugged into my superpower, my essence, helps in every freakin' area of life.

I help others connect with subtle harmony and gentle clarity, and the reason for that is because of how important I've found these to be in my own life. What I have to offer is often what I need in my own life as well. And that's okay - more than okay - that's the way is for many of us.

Having more times of harmony in my life means not being so scattered and overwhelmed. Not rushing so much.

Being plugged into gentle clarity means not having so many windows open that I lose focus. It's hard to have clarity when attention is scattered all over the place, or when six different things are trying to get done at once.

My last post was about coming to center - and that's what I'm doing, over and over.

It's a process for me.

It's a practice.

But I'm committed to doing it.

Again.

Over and over, when needed.

I ask myself: What do I really want? How do I want to feel? What brings me joy?

I tell myself: Place your attention, your time, your energy, your awareness, on that window. Be in the moment.

I ask you as well: What do you really want? How do you want to feel? What brings you joy?

I invite you: Place your attention, your time, your energy, your awareness, on that window. Be in the moment.





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